Why Heartbreakers Really Shouldn't go to WalMart
by shinigami sakura2000
Summary: After DX's commercial when Shawn snapped because of the elimination playset, Shawn asks Hunter to do him a favor and the game is very reluctant to do so. Through many twists and turns this does explain why Hunter, because of Shawn, got banned from Wal-Mar
1. The Cause

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated Why Heartbreakers Should Never Have Chocolate in a while. I kinda hit a writers block on the last chapter, so until I finish that here's a nice little oneshot for everybody! I hope everyone enjoys it!

Disclaimer: I don't own no person mentioned in this fic and I definitely don't own Wal-Mart. These are all own by people that aren't me.

Summary: After DX's commercial when Shawn snapped because of the elimination playset, Shawn asks Hunter to do him a favor and the game is very reluctant to do so. Through many twists and turns this does explain why Hunter, because of Shawn, got banned from Wal-Mart.

* * *

Hunter stared warily at Shawn who was standing at the foot of his bed, hands clasped and a pout on his face. "For the last time, No Shawn!" He said sternly.

Shawn continued to pout, "Hunter, I promise I'll stay out of trouble this time!"

Hunter had enough. This had been going on for a good a two hours and he was sick of it. He dropped the magazine he was reading and jumped up. "Shawn! For the last time I am not taking you to Wal-Mart!"

"But why not?!" he whined.

"I know you like to wander around when you go there, and after the little incident with the elimination chamber playset at the DXommerical, your not setting foot in another Wal-Mart!"

"I don't wander around in there! Besides, you'll be going with me, so you can keep an eye on me."

Hunter was speechless. Sometimes Shawn put all other blondes to shame. "I'm not falling for that one again Shawn. You'll use some bullshit reason to make me leave you alone and when I _do _find you, you'll probably be in the toy aisle playing with our action figures again!"

Shawn glared at him, "Why do you insist on reminding me of that whenever I want to go somewhere?"

"Because every time a little kid came over to buy one, you'd hiss at them and threaten them with sweet chin music." He explained calmly.

"I only did that one time! Besides those were the rare limited edition DX action figures I had. I couldn't just let anyone touch them!"

"Why didn't you just buy them?"

Shawn looked down at the floor and poked his fingers together cutely, "Well...after I bought all those souvenirs at Wrestlemania XXIV, Rebecca put me on an allowance, which I maxed out about a week ago."

Hunter grinned, '_I should really send her a present for that one.'_

He thought it over for awhile, something in the back of his mind was telling him not to do it, but like usual he told it to shut up. "Well since you can't buy anything it...couldn't hurt too much to take you." He finally said.

The grin on Shawn's face was beginning to make him regret this already, "Thanks Hunter!" he shouted as he hugged him. "I promise, I'll stay completely out of trouble this time!"

Hunter just sighed as he hugged Shawn back, '_That's what you always say.'_

* * *

The drive to Wal-Mart was mostly uneventful except for Shawn's constant, "Are we there yet?"

Hunter gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white, "Shawn for the hundredth time! We aren't there yet!"

"Oh." Shawn sat silent for what Hunter counted as the most quiet five seconds of that day, "Are we there now?" he asked.

Hunter growled and was about to say some words to Shawn that he didn't even know existed, until he looked out the window. "Actually Shawn we are." As soon as Hunter parked, Shawn sprinted out of the car towards Wal-Mart only to stopped by a rope, which when it began pulling him back he realized it was connected to Hunter.

"Hunter! What are you doing?!" Shawn shouted as Hunter continued pulling him back.

"You're not gonna leave me out here and run off so I won't be able to find you." Hunter untied Shawn, but before the heartbreaker could escape again, the game handcuffed them together. "Now no matter how much you try I'm gonna make sure you can't get into any trouble in there!" Hunter said triumphantly.

Shawn pouted at Hunter as he led them inside. "Now Shawn you can do whatever you want, but I'm not letting you out of my sight."

As soon as the two degenerates entered they came face to face with none other then the Undertaker and Batista, "What are you two doing here?" Hunter asked.

"Dude, it's Wal-Mart. The question is who isn't in here." Dave said.

Hunter shrugged, "Good point, but really what are you two doing here?"

"Taker ran out of eyeliner and Jericho needed a new mirror. He said his reflection was getting cloudy on the one he has now."

Hunter stared at him disbelievingly, "You're actually here to get him a new mirror?"

Dave shook his head, "No. I'm here cause he wouldn't shut up about the damn mirror. Hunter I don't know how you did it man. Putting up with Jericho's ego all the time while you were on Raw."

"Yeah sometimes I wonder how I did it myself."

"So what are you doing here?" Taker asked.

"Well Shawn and I were..." When Hunter turned to look at Shawn he noticed the heartbreaker was nowhere to be found. "Damn it! I knew Randy shouldn't have gave him that book on how to escape out of handcuffs in five seconds flat."

"So what's the problem? I mean what kind of trouble can he get into in Wal-Mart?" Taker asked.

Hunter just shook his head, "I'm not even gonna answer that. Just help me find him ok?"

Taker and Dave stared at him, "No."

"Why not?!"

"We're not as crazy as we look. There's no way we're chasing Shawn around!" Taker said sternly.

Hunter sighed. "Please guys? I'll pay you."

"No."

"I'll forfeit the belt to one of you?"

Dave shook his head, "I don't think so."

"I'll be your personal servant for two weeks?"

This choice got Hunter a set of quirked eyebrows and a evil smirk. "Make it a month and we've got deal." Taker said.

"Same thing and add three pay paper views to it." Dave added.

Hunter sighed again, "Alright fine."

"Good. Now do you know where he is?" Taker asked.

Hunter took off running with Taker and Dave right behind him, "Yeah I know where he is. I just hope he hasn't done too much damage yet."

* * *

Shawn growled as he ran through Wal-Mart. He could have sworn he'd been through every aisle yet there was no sign of any kind of electronics aisle. "I have to find to find the video games. I mean really, how can they release the Legends of Wrestlemania video game like three weeks early and not tell anybody!"

Finally when he saw a row of digital cameras, Shawn knew he'd hit gold. "Yes! Its about time!" He ran over to glass case that held which held all the games he began scanning the rows until he saw the sleek black case that had legends of Wrestlemania written on it.

'_I wonder if I could use sweet chin music to get the game and the run out?' _He quickly canceled that idea and went with plan B. He reached into his jacket for his emergency game escaping disguise kit which consisted of a set of dark rimmed glasses, a fake handlebar mustache, and a hat. He quickly put them on and walked over to the cashier and in the worst Undertaker impression ever he said, "Excuse me can I get some assistance?"

The cashier stared up at Shawn in confusion, "Uhhh...what do you need?" she asked slowly.

Shawn pointed to the game again and said happily, "I'm a pro wrestler...uhh I mean a pro wrestling game tester. If you could put that Legends of Wrestlemania game into that X-box 360 over there, so I could test it, I'd be extremely happy."

"Uh huh, well I didn't know testers for wrestling games existed, but okay I'll get it for you." She walked over and opened the case for Shawn, setting up the 360 for him. "Call me when your done and I'll lock the case back for you."

Shawn quirked his eyebrow, "You mean your leaving it unlocked?"

She shrugged, "Well yeah. You might need to test something else and I don't feel like coming back over to keep locking and unlocking that thing."

_'Thank God for lazy people!'_ Shawn thought with a grin. "Thank you so much!" He turned back to the controller and looked up at the screen. "Now...let's see what this thing can do!"

No sooner did Shawn start playing he felt someone tug at his jacket. He looked down and saw a boy who looked no older than thirteen. "Hey aren't you Shawn Michaels?" He asked.

Shawn froze. He was sure that his disguise was foolproof. "No! Of course I'm not Shawn Michaels! I'm just a guy, who looks like a guy, who looks like a guy, who looks like Shawn, but I'm not Shawn!"

The boy stared at him in confusion, "Wow...ummm since I didn't understand that I'm just go walk away slowly."

When the kid was finally out of eye range Shawn turned back the the screen where he was getting his ass beat by Andre the Giant. "I always knew that being able to say extremely confusing sentences would come in handy one day!"Shawn had become so entranced by the game he didn't notice the small crowd gathering around him watching him play. '_Uh-oh this can't be to good!'_

Of course a few rows away the three heartbreaker hunters were still trying to find their target. They had found Taker's eyeliner, Jericho's mirror, and Hunter even found a new sledgehammer, but no Shawn. "Now look Hunter!" Mark shouted. "Where the hell is he?! We've been running around this place for a good half hour and we still can't find him!"

"Look! I know what I'm doing and to catch him we're going to need some bait." Hunter grinned as he looked around and realized they were in the toy aisle. "You think they have any elimination chamber playsets left?"

Dave chuckled, "Are you kidding me? You're gonna bait him with that after his little breakdown at that DXommerical a few weeks ago."

"Yeah. I really don't want to, but its the best chance we have. At least we'll get him to follow us so we can capture him."

"Fine." Dave said. "But your carrying that thing around!"

As they walked down the aisle they couldn't believe what they saw. The shelves were completely filled with playsets. "Oh my God! I knew it wasn't a good idea to bring him here!"

"I guess we definitely shouldn't lead him down here! Who knows what he could do?" Taker said.

Dave thought it over, "Actually this might help us out some. Hunter grab one of those and lets keep looking for him."

When the three superstars left the aisle they saw something strange. There was a huge line starting a few aisles down and lead all the way back to them. All three shared confused glances as they followed the line. When they got to the end there was a huge crowd formed. "Guys I think we've found Shawn." Taker said.

Dave tapped a kid on the shoulder and asked, "What exactly is going on here?"

The kid looked up at him and glared, "Some old guy is hogging the 360. I don't really see why...THE GUY HAS NO SKILLS ANYWAY!"

Dave had to chuckle at that and pulled out a picture of Shawn, "Is this the guy?"

The kid stared at the picture for a moment, "He does kinda look like Shawn Michaels! Except he's wearing a hat and has glasses and a mustache."

Dave looked back at Hunter who nodded and Dave turned back to the kid, "Thanks a lot. Now you might want to get out of here, things are about to get a little crazy." The small boy nodded and ran off. "So what's the deal with the disguise?"

"He calls it his emergency game escaping disguise kit." Hunter explained. "It might have worked too, if I wasn't with him the day he bought it."

Taker just shook his head, "Wow. That's something that only Shawn could come up with. Now let's get this show on the road. These people look like they're getting ready to riot!"

The others nodded and got in position. Hunter got closer to the crowd so that Shawn could see him. Dave and Taker waited a few aisles down, so when Shawn took the bait they could trap him.

Hunter walked calmly over to crowd of people and shouted, "Hey Shawn! I have a present for you!"

Since his brain shut down after hearing the word "present" Shawn quickly released the controller and ran toward Hunter, "What is it? What is it?!" Hunter quickly raised the box with the elimination chamber in it and Shawn froze in his tracks.

"Hunter..." He growled. "Give me that thing! It needs to be superkicked!" Hunter ran off with Shawn hot on his heels. The plan was going all well and good until it came time to trap him.

"Damn it!" Hunter's foot hit one of the metal bins in the middle of the aisle. He lost his balance and the playset slid down the wrong aisle...the aisle where they had originally got that thing from. "Oh no..."

Shawn had been chasing Hunter blindly and when he saw the playset slid away from him he instantly followed it. When he caught the box and stomped the hell out of it he slowly looked up. "What the hell..." He realized it then. He was surrounded by the evil toys that had kept him until five in the morning and that he could never figure out why he kept having five pieces leftover!

Taker, Dave, and Hunter knew they had made a big mistake as they watched Shawn snap. He let out a war cry as he began attacking the boxes, even superkicking some of them off the shelves.

"Hunter...what do we do now?" Dave asked as he ducked when one of the boxes flew past his head.

"Well since we do have him boxed in...You go get him Dave."

"Why do I have to do it?!" he shouted.

"Cause Taker would tombstone me if I asked him and I prefer to be conscious right now soo... you do it."

Dave sighed and reluctantly walked toward Shawn. "Shawn put the box down ok?"

Shawn's head snapped towards him and he stared, "The boxes are walking now!" He immediately tackled Dave, but when the big man wouldn't go down Shawn tried again this time using another one of the boxes as a battering ram. "Ha! You're not gonna get the best of me!"

With Dave on the ground catching his breath Shawn began attacking the shelves again. Hunter looked up in horror as the shelf began to rock. He looked down at Taker who'd noticed it too and they both began to charge toward Shawn, hoping to stop him from kicking it anymore. When Shawn noticed them he quickly kicked the shelf hard one more time and dodged out of the way.

"Oh...!" Taker started.

"...Shit!" Hunter finished. The two superstars ran head first into each other, landing hard on the ground. Shawn's last kick had been enough to tip the shelf backwards beginning a domino effect that demolished everything from the toy section to the auto mechanics section. After being hit by a few of the flying boxes the animal, the deadman, and the game surveyed the destruction.

"Great. Just great!" Hunter said. "How the hell are we gonna explain this to Vince!"

"We?!" Dave and Taker shouted.

"Yes we! You're in this too!"

"This was your idea. We just happened to run into you here!" Dave shouted back.

Hunter glared at them, "You agreed to help help me!" While the three argued another man walked up and calmly tapped Hunter on the shoulder.

"Excuse me? I'm the manager here and I need you too..."

Hunter turned on the guy and shouted angrily, "Shawn! Will you take that stupid disguise off already! You've already destroyed half of Wal-Mart!" He quickly pulled at the guy's mustache, tugging on it hard. "Damn! What the hell did you put that thing on with!"

"That isn't fake! Its..." A loud ripping sound followed by a scream echoed the store. Hunter held the piece of mustache he'd pulled off in his hand while glancing between it and its owner.

"Oh...you really are the manager aren't you?" Hunter said softly.

"...SECURITY!" Two huge security guards appeared behind the manager. "ALL OF YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE FOR LIFE! NOW GET THESE ASSHOLES OUT OF MY STORE!" The two guards picked up Hunter and escorted him out which led to him being brought to the front door and thrown on a table full of girl scout cookies. The manager walked out and snatched the other half of his mustache from Hunter and before stomping back inside said, "Be prepared to receive a very, very large bill."

Hunter sighed and dropped his head back on to the table, "Hey Hunter! I was wondering when you'd come out here." Shawn said.

Hunter's head shot up as he looked at Shawn leaning against the wall eating a ice cream cone. "Shawn?! How the hell did you get out here!"

Shawn laughed, "After I exacted my revenge against the elimination chamber, I got hungry, so I came out here and got some ice cream!"

"You mean you've been out here this entire time?!" Hunter shouted as he rose of the table.

"Of course I was! Where else would I be?" Shawn started backing away slowly when Hunter started coming at him with his hands outstretched, "Umm...Hunter what are you doing?"

Hunter had an insane look that could have rivaled Shawn's on his face. He grabbed the sledgehammer he'd stolen and began chasing Shawn around the parking lot. "Shawn come back here! I'm about to play whack a heartbreaker!"

Taker and Dave stared in amusement as Hunter chased Shawn around. "Do you think we should help him?" Dave asked as he sat down.

"Hell no! We did our part. We may have gotten banned from Wal-Mart for this, but we both have Hunter as our servant for a month so it all works out. Now just relax and enjoy the show." Taker said.

"Hunter come on man! I'm sorry I know I broke my promise, but put that sledgehammer down!"

"No way! I already know what I'm gonna tell Vince when I drag you back unconscious with a few more bumps on your head!"

As the Deadman and the Animal watched Taker spoke up, "You know something Dave this was a good experience for Hunter. He learned a very valuable lesson today that he should teach to everyone else."

"Which is?"

"Never and I mean never let Shawn set foot inside of Wal-Mart! You'll end up banned and charged with thousands of dollars worth of property damage."

Dave nodded, "That's a very good lesson indeed, my friend. A very good lesson indeed."


	2. Aftermath part 1

A/N: Ok so this isn't a one shot. I had some help with this chapter, because without I probably never would have finished this. So I'd like to give a shoutout to Roxi Michaels who helped me out greatly when I wrote this!

Disclaimer: I don't own no person mentioned in this fic and I definitely don't own Wal-Mart. These are all own by people that aren't me.

Summary: After DX's commercial when Shawn snapped because of the elimination playset, Shawn asks Hunter to do him a favor and the game is very reluctant to do so. Through many twists and turns this does explain why Hunter because of Shawn, got banned from Wal-Mart.

* * *

Hunter knew how he ended up in a French maid's outfit in the Smackdown locker room, and whenever he thought about the reason it never ceased to piss him off. "Do I really have to wear this?!" He shouted.

Taker and Dave nodded at him with evil grins on their faces. "We helped you catch Shawn..." Taker said gesturing to the heartbreak kid who stood beside Hunter in a similar uniform. "And in return Hunter, you promised to be our servant." he finished.

Shawn pouted at them, "You said Hunter had you be your servant, not me! Why do I have to help him?"

This time it was Hunter who turned to him, "You got me banned from Wal-Mart which the rest of the guys still haven't stop laughing about. Vince fined me 10,000 dollars. I have to pay off the 250,000 dollars worth of property damage _**you **_caused when _**you**_ destroyed half of it. Then to top it all off, I was thrown through a table full of girl scout cookies by two guards bigger than the Big Show! If I have to suffer through this then so do you!" He shouted hysterically.

Shawn gave him an angry stare, "You're the one that took me to Wal-Mart in the first place."

Hunter glared at him and picked up his ever present sledgehammer, "Shawn...you say one more thing and we're going to play another round of whack a heartbreaker."

Shawn instantly covered his head and backed a few steps away from him. Hunter smirked and turned back to Dave who immediately grabbed his sledgehammer from him. "What the hell are you doing?!"

Dave smirked at him, "Sorry man, but until the end of the month no sledgehammer for you."

Hunter's face drained of color and he went into a kind of hypnotic trance. The game just stood frozen. The other three superstars looked at each other then back at Hunter. "What's wrong with him?" Taker asked.

"He's going through withdrawal, the first stage anyway. It happened a few years back when his hammer broke and Vince refused to give him another one." Shawn explained. "He should be coming out of it in 3...2...1"

As if on cue, Hunter suddenly came out of his trance. "What do you mean no sledgehammer for a month! You can't do this to me!"

"We can and we did." Taker said simply. "Now for the next month and three pay-per-views of our choice you two have to do everything we say."

"If I say jump on one foot, you say how long. If I tell you to let Jeff do your hair, you go find him." Dave explained.

"If I tell you to bring me two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun, you better be half way out the door on your way to Macdonalds to get me my Big Mac!" Taker said earning him a strange look from Dave. "What?"

Dave just shook his head, "Well you get the point. Even though Taker and I are on different shows we have arranged so that both of you will be on Raw and Smackdown every week."

Hunter groaned, "Do I even want to ask how you did that?"

Dave shook his head, "No, but I'm about to tell you anyway. Hunter you're already on Raw because of the draft and your feud with Randy. Shawn since you're feuding with Taker about breaking his streak you'll be on Smackdown every Friday. We've also talked to Vince who said he'll continue the feud between you two after Wrestlemania and the draft. We've also arranged so that we travel together and room together."

Taker took over next, "Now except during your matches and promos these will be the clothes you will wear everyday. No matter where we go I expect you two to wear those uniforms."

Hunter sighed, "Come on is this really necessary?"

The animal and deadman nodded, "After everything you put us through when we had to go catch him, this is definitely payback. I mean I had a shelf fall on me! A completely full shelf!" Taker shouted.

"And I was tackled by an insane heartbreaker holding a box!" Dave exclaimed.

Shawn glared at him before turning to Hunter, "These uniforms aren't that bad." He said as he spun around. "I kinda like it."

Since he no longer had his sledgehammer, Hunter resorted to slapping his friend upside the head, "You're no help at all." He turned back to Dave, "What if I refuse to these conditions?" He asked.

Dave sighed, "If you go back on your word I'll be forced to show everyone the video of you from Randy's New Years Party. You remember, the one of you getting insanely drunk and stripping on top of his kitchen table while singing Shawn's entrance music." Dave chuckled as he saw the mortified look on Hunter's face. "From the look on your face, I guess you remember what I'm talking about. Good thing I don't need to remind you about how you-!" Dave was cut off when Taker covered his mouth.

"Don't go revealing all of our blackmail. You never know when that stuff might come in handy. This is also why you always save videos from parties."

Hunter's jaw dropped, "You...assholes! You told me you burned that tape!"

"I did. I never said I didn't make copies first though." Taker said. "Now, do we have a deal?"

Hunter grumbled out something resembling a yes before turning his backs to them. "Great! At the moment we have nothing planned for you two so you're free to go." Dave said.

Hunter walked over to the door and froze, "We really have to go out there looking like this don't we."

They both nodded. "Don't worry about it. Some of the guys aren't here yet, so you'll be fine!" Dave said as he pushed them out the door. "Go do something that doesn't involve you being near us."

After the door closed the animal and the phenom waited before they began speaking. They couldn't run the risk of their new servants hearing about their plans. "What should we do first?" Taker asked.

Dave smirked evilly, "Haven't you ever wondered what Hunter would look like as a bluenette?"

Taker raised an eyebrow at this. "What are you talking about?"

"Well we gave them new uniforms, we might as well complete the look with a new makeover too."

Taker joined Dave in the group smirk, "What did you have in mind?"

* * *

Dave knew he was on a dangerous mission. It was an unspoken rule in the locker rooms. If you're a superstar you never touch three things: Taker's hat, Hunter's sledgehammer, and the most dangerous of all...Jeff's skittles. He always had a hidden stash somewhere in his locker room, just in case Matt took his regular stash.

Dave quickly snuck into the dressing room Jeff was sharing with a few of the other guys. After searching for a few minutes he found Jeff's bag and began searching through it. "Now if I were Jeff's skittles, where would I be?" A light bulb clicked on inside Dave's head as he picked up one of Jeff's extra large bottles of hair dye and shaking them. Jeff was smart when he wanted to be, Dave had to give him credit for that. He knows Matt would never think to look there.

When he found the one that made a jingling sound when it shook, he opened it up and saw it was filled with skittles to the very top. Dave couldn't help but grin. "I hope Hunter enjoys his new makeover." he muttered to himself as he snuck back out of the locker room.

Taker jumped up when Dave came back into their locker room, "Did you find it?" Dave held up the bottle and grinned, "He actually keeps his skittles in here?" Dave nodded. Taker shrugged. "Smart idea."

Dave nodded and sat down, "Now all we have to do is wait until Jeff realizes they're gone. Then we can put the rest of the plan into action."

"Great." Taker said while munching on some skittles.

Everything backstage was calm and cool for a few minutes before Dave heard the sound of voices coming from the hallway. He peeked out the door and saw Jeff with Chris, Randy, and Adam as they went into the locker room. Since Matt wasn't with them, he figured Jeff would go right for his skittles, so he waited and five seconds later he heard Jeff scream.

"WHO STOLE MY SKITTLES?!" Jeff shouted as he busted out of the locker room. Chris and Randy came out behind him in an attempt to calm him down.

"Take it easy. You probably just misplaced them. That whole locker room was trashed. They could be anywhere." Randy explained.

This just angered Jeff more. "I already know who it was. I just have to find him." Matt just happened to be walking by and was immediately tackled by Jeff, who started choking him. "WHY DID YOU DO IT THIS TIME MATTY?"

"What... did I do... now Jeff?" He said between gasps.

"YOU STOLE MY SKITTLES!" Jeff shouted hysterically.

Matt pushed Jeff off him and stood up. "In case you haven't noticed, I just got here. I couldn't have stolen your skittles."

"Oh." Jeff stood up and calmed down, "Well if you didn't do it, then who did?"

Taker tossed the almost empty bottle of skittles to Dave who walked out in the hall. "Hey Jeff, you looking for these?" he said dangling the bottle in front of him.

Jeff instantly tackled Dave, or tried to anyway. "Dave! Why did you steal my skittles man! What did I ever do to you?!" he shouted angrily.

Dave shrugged and pulled the rainbow haired Hardy off him, "Nothing. I just got hungry and your skittles seemed like a perfect snack."

Chris just stared in shock, "Dave, are you still feeling the effects from that punt Randy gave you a few months ago? If you are, you really shouldn't be working."

Randy nodded, "Everyone knows what happens to people who steal Jeff's skittles." he paused and shuddered, "I still remember when Punk made that mistake. I had nightmares for a week after I saw what Jeff did to him."

Dave shrugged, "Why should I care? It's not like I'm going to be the one who gets the makeover."

"You stole the skittles. You get the makeover. That's how it always works." Matt said.

"Well that's what would have happened, but someone has volunteered to take the heat...and Jeff's god awful makeover for me."

"Yeah right." Chris snorted. "Who would be crazy enough to do that?"

"Hunter." Dave said simply. "It was actually his and Shawn's idea, but before they could get them for me, they went off somewhere."

The glare suddenly reappeared on Jeff's face, "I should have known! That's what I get for telling big nose where I keep my secret stash." Jeff started walking off and shouted, "To Hunter's locker room!" Matt, Adam, Chris, and Randy shrugged and followed behind him. They didn't have anything else to do, so seeing Jeff try to makeover Hunter would be very funny.

Dave couldn't help but grin as the group walked off. "You got the camera deadman?"

The deadman stepped out of their locker room with a video camera in hand, "Yeah. Now let's go watch Hunter get made over."

* * *

"Shawn! Are you enjoying these uniforms that much?" Hunter asked as he watched Shawn continue to spin around in front of a mirror.

"Well yeah actually. Besides, I'm bored and my spinning is entertaining me."

Hunter just sighed. Sometimes he wondered how many brain cells Shawn had left after all of their matches over the years. Shawn suddenly stopped spinning and went over to the door. "Do you hear that Hunter?"

"Hear what?"

Shawn listened closely and turned to Hunter with a look of terror on his face, "The sound of an enraged skittle depraved Hardy!"

Hunter chuckled, "Come on Shawn. What are you really hearing?"

The door suddenly busted open and Shawn was knocked onto his ass. In front him stood Jeff, red faced and glaring at him with a glare that he was sure could kill him on sight. Behind him stood Matt and Chris who were carrying various bottles of hair dye, makeup and other items. Hunter glared when he saw Dave and Taker standing behind them, with Taker holding a video

Hunter's eyes widened. He knew the only time Jeff had all that stuff was when he was about makeover someone who stole his skittles. He instantly began looking for an escape route, but since Jeff was blocking the door he was trapped. "Come on Jeff don't you want to talk about this?"

Jeff just shook his head, "Adam. Randy. Grab them and tie them to those chairs over there." They nodded and and tied the two degenerates to some lounge chairs in the dressing room. Jeff walked over them and kicked Hunter on the leg, "Why did you do it Hunter? If you wanted a makeover you should have just asked."

Hunter glanced over at the door and glared when he saw Dave and Taker standing behind them, with Taker holding a video camera. He then knew exactly what happened. "Jeff you don't understand! We were set up!

"Suuure! That's what they always say." Jeff said as he began grabbing bottles of hair dye. "You have no one to blame, but yourself. You shouldn't have stolen my skittles."

"If he did it, then why am I here?!" Shawn shouted as he struggled against his ropes. He couldn't let Jeff touch his hair. He'd spent too long getting his hair to the level of perfection it was at. He just couldn't let it be ruined.

"Because both you and elephant nose over there plotted to steal my skittles. Then you made Dave do your dirty work for you. Now as punishment you both with have one of the awesome Hardy makeovers!"

"Never! You'll never touch my hair with that evil dye!" Shawn shouted.

"Well since you said that, you'll have to be first." Jeff grabbed a bottle of pink hair dye and a bottle of purple. "This should be fun."

Hunter couldn't watch as Jeff began to work on his best friend's hair. He'd heard about the horrors of being made over by Jeff. He never thought he would have to experience them himself. He also hoped he didn't have a match tonight. As soon as this month was over he was definitely gonna get his revenge.

Hunter winced we he heard Shawn yell. "NO! I'M NOT IN DX RIGHT NOW! DON'T USE THE LIME GREEN!"

'_Yup_.' Hunter thought. _'I'm definietly gonna get my revenge after this one.'_

This was just cruel and unusual punishment. He gulped when Jeff had finally finished with Shawn and moved over to him, "Now while the dye dries, I'll start on you. These will be the best makeovers I've ever done!"

Dave couldn't help but grin. This was going better than he'd even imagined. He glanced at Taker who was filming the whole thing, "Hey Jeff will they be done by tonight? They both have matches you know."

Hunter shot up at this, "What?! Nobody told me anything about a match tonight!"

"You didn't know? Both you and Shawn have matches tonight. Vince wanted to put both of you in a tag match but we figured it would be better if the audience saw your new looks at different times." Dave explained.

"You can't make us go out there like this!" Hunter said angrily.

"I'll be your servant if you help me." Taker said quoting Hunter's words. "Remember saying that Hunter? You have to go out there." Hunter could do nothing but growl at the phenom as Jeff continued to work on him.

* * *

Hunter paced nervously in the gorilla position as he waited to go out for his match. Shawn was in a tag match with John against Chris and Adam. They won, but mainly because as soon as he stepped in the ring with his pink, black, and bright green hair that was half in braids and half in pigtails, their opponents couldn't stop laughing.

Even John couldn't control his laughter. He had Adam set up for the attitude adjustment and took a quick glance at Shawn and both of them fell down on the mat, clutching their sides in laughter. Of course this completely pissed Shawn off and he ended up giving all of them a good dose of sweet chin music before stalking angrily backstage.

Now as Hunter heard his music start, he hesitated. He took a deep breath, grabbed his water bottle and walked the through the curtain. Instantly he heard the laughter of the audience as they saw his red, purple, and blue hair that was spiked with some much gel it looked like he'd been electrocuted. As he leaned against the ropes to complete his entrance, one of the spikes got caught on the ring rope causing his head to bounce back down on the ropes.

He stepped into the ring and stared at Randy who trying his best to remain serious but failing miserably. Even from where he was standing he could hear Cody and Ted snickering at him. As the bell rung and the match started Hunter had only one thought in his mind. '_This is gonna be a very long month._'


	3. The Bear, The Hat, and the Sledgehammer

A/N: Ok so the craziness continues! Let's see what else the animal and the deadman have in store for our resident degenerates. I didn't expect this chapter to be so long, but I didn't want to split it up because it might have thrown off the flow, so please enjoy1

Disclaimer: see chapter one

Summary: After DX's commercial when Shawn snapped because of the elimination playset, Shawn asks Hunter to do him a favor and the game is very reluctant to do so. Through many twists and turns this does explain why Hunter because of Shawn, got banned from Wal-Mart.

* * *

Shane sighed as Hunter ran out to the ring late again. This was the third time he had missed his cue to get in to the ring in a week. Shawn had told him this might happen after Dave stole his sledgehammer, but there was nothing he could do. Plus there was the whole hair dying incident from last week. The crowd still laughed every time Hunter or Shawn came to the ring. '_I guess Jeff used the long lasting dye this time.'_

He really did feel sorry for them, but his father already said Hunter had to pay his debt to Taker and Dave because if they hadn't helped catch Shawn, they would probably be paying for a whole new Wal-Mart instead of some property damage and some mustache repair surgery for that manager Hunter attacked.

After the show, Shane went and found Hunter, who was sitting in the locker room staring off into space with a depressing look in his eyes. "Hunter what's going on with you?"

Hunter just sighed and continued to stare at the wall, completely ignoring Shane. Shawn walked over to them and patted him on the back sadly. "It really won't work man. Unless he gets his hammer back it'll just get worse."

"You gotta be kidding me! He's been off in all his matches and keeps going into this hypnotic trance at the strangest times." He turned to Hunter and stared in straight in the eyes. " If this is about your hammer, then I suggest you either get a new one or get your old one back from Dave!"

Shawn nodded. "I tried giving him another one. He hit Randy with it one time and could tell that it wasn't his. He is definitely going into stage two, and if we don't do something fast then the hallucinations are gonna start."

"Hallucinations?"

"Yeah. It only happens when he's without his hammer for a few weeks, so we do have some time to fix this." he explained.

Shane sighed and began walking out of the locker room, "Shawn do whatever you have to, but please fix him!"

After the door slammed shut Shawn turned around, only to see Hunter jump up with an elated grin on his face. "Shawn! I have an idea to get my sledgy back!"

"What kind of idea?" He asked nervously. He knew if Hunter was still mad that he got him banned from Wal Mart, he could probably end up as some kind of bait.

"Well...you know how protective I am over my sledgehammer and I know how you get whenever somebody decides to mock the chaps, so I was thinking maybe we could steal something important from Dave and Taker and force them to give sledgy back to me!"

Shawn smirked. He was liking this idea more and more. This would be perfect, especially after it was their fault his hair was ruined in the first place. "This sounds perfect! I know exactly what we should take too."

"Good, because you'll be the one doing the taking."

The smirk fell from Shawn's face, "Wait...what?! No way! This was your idea, so you do it!"

Hunter shook his head, "Too predictable. Besides, with some of the heists you've pulled before, you would get away easy."

"No! I've already had my hair dyed and if Taker and Dave catch us I don't want to know what they'll do."

Hunter went over to his friend and clasped him on the shoulder. "Shawny, I don't have any experience stealing other people's stuff and actually getting away with it unlike you." Hunter continued as he glared at him. "Just picture it Shawn. No one has ever thought of doing something like this before. This would make you a legend backstage!"

Shawn thought it over. "Well...I'll do it. Only because Shane looked like he was gonna hit you with a coast to coast if you didn't come out of your depression."

"So you noticed that too huh?"

"Yeah. If we had a garbage can I really think you would be unconscious right now. Your depressing mood was starting to get to him."

"Ok ok I get your point. Let's get back to the plan!" Shawn nodded. "Now my very detailed and well thought out plan goes a little something like this..."

"Well?!" Shawn shouted impatiently.

"I'll distract Dave and Taker while you sneak in and grab their stuff." Hunter grinned as he finished explaining his plan. "This is pure genius isn't it?!"

Shawn stared at him disbelief. "You gotta be kidding me. This is your detailed plan? How long did it take you to think of this anyway?!"

"Ummm...bout 15 minutes. Give or take a couple."

"Oh." Shawn froze before a grin broke out across his face. "Great plan then! Now let me tell you what I had in mind for us to take..."

* * *

Hunter nervously outside of Taker's dressing room. He hated coming up with ideas. It was so much easier for Shawn to have ideas and then blame him when they went wrong. '_I really hope this works. I have to get sledgy back!'_

Hunter took a deep breath and bounded happily into the room. "Hey Taker. Dave. I was wondering if you wanted to get something to eat? You know maybe get some steak or a big mac. I hear catering finally decided to get those in stock."

Dave looked at him skeptically, "What's going on Hunter?"

"You've never been this cheerful since you became our servant." Taker added.

"Things can change can't they guys? I mean it's only been a few days, so I really might as well make the best of this!"

Taker stared at him, as if he were searching for something. "Who are you and what have you done with Hunter?" He looked over at Dave. "It's still not possible to clone people right?"

"That's what I thought. Maybe he's a pod person like you see in those science fiction movies?"

Taker nodded and jumped off the bench, "You just read my mind." He grabbed one of Hunter's arms and Dave grabbed the other. "Let's go see what kind of alien he is. I think catering still has some leftovers from three weeks ago. We could feed them to him and see what happens."

"Yeah!" Dave exclaimed as they dragged him into the hall, "If he's really a pod person all that stuff shouldn't bother him a bit!"

"Guys can't we talk about this first..." Hunter reasoned.

"Sorry pod person, but we earthlings don't negotiate with aliens." Dave said.

Shawn watched the scene painfully as they dragged his friend away. '_I feel really sorry for Hunter now. First he loses his hammer and now he's being force fed moldy leftovers. Well after this, at least one part of that problem should be solved.'_

Shawn made sure the coast was clear before he dashed into the locker room, making sure to lock the door behind him. "Now Hunter told me I had to do this with stealth and finesse..." He snorted at this. "Whatever the hell that means." He went through the locker room like a blonde tornado until he had searched every inch of the room.

He sat on a bench with a look of deep thought on his face. "It should not be this hard to find a hat!" He slammed his hands down on the bench his his fist connected with something soft. He looked down and realized he'd just put a sizable dent in Taker's black hat. "Oh. Well that should have been obvious." He grabbed the hat and stuck it in his bag. "Now it's time to find one other item."

Now he started looking through Dave's things. "If Taker left his hat in the open, Dave wouldn't have bothered to hide his stuff either." Instead of what he was looking for Shawn found a box, which when he opened it, had another box inside. In that box, there was another box. This is continued for a minute until he finally found what he was looking for and picked it up. "I'm never gonna let Dave live this one down." he chuckled.

In the Heartbreaker's hands was a small dark brown bear that looked strangely like Dave. Shawn could tell it was old. One of the eyes was missing and it had been sewn up many times. There was even a patch of sewn on black fur at the top of the bear's head that looked like hair. That wasn't what got his attention though, around the bears waist was a mini world title belt. Snickering, Shawn dropped the bear into his bag and started walking out until he realized he forgot to leave the ransom note.

He grabbed the crumpled up note out of the pocket of his dress and tacked it on the wall. "That should do it. After they see this, they'll have no choice but to give sledgy back to Hunter." He stuck his head out of the door to make sure there was no one in the hallway before he back out of the room. He kept backing up until he hit something warm, hard, and solid. He turned around to face Chris and Punk.

"What's got you so jumpy Shawn?" Chris asked.

"Umm...nothing. Nothing. Just doing some cleaning for Taker." He stuttered back nervously.

"You're doing some cleaning? Willingly? Are you sure you're not a pod person too?" Punk asked.

"Of course not! Do I look like an alien to you?!"

They both glanced at each other. "Well..."

Shawn glared at them. "Don't even answer that."

Punk just happen to glance at the sack Shawn was holding, "Shawn what's that?"

"Oh this? It's just some trash I found in their locker room." He tried to hide it behind his back but Chris kept reaching for it.

"Let me see. I loaned Dave some of my CD's a few weeks ago and you might have grabbed them by mistake."

Shawn panicked. He couldn't let either one of them touch the bag. Hunter would kill him. Then Taker would bring him back to life so he and Dave could kill him again. He just couldn't risk that, so he did the first thing he could think of...gave Chris a nice dose of Sweet Chin Music.

Punk looked on in confusion. "Shawn! What the hell did you do that for?"

Shawn laughed nervously and took off back toward his and Hunter's dressing room. "Sorry about that Chris. I saw a bug on your face and I couldn't let it bite you. Who knows what kind of weird and unusual diseases that thing could have. I did you a favor. Remember that!"

Punk stared at Shawn's retreating form as he helped Chris up. "Now what do you think that was about?"

Chris rubbed his jaw gently, the pain from his kick still coursing through it. "I don't know, but I'm sure I don't want to find out.

* * *

Dave and Taker walked sadly back to their locker room. Hunter had turned out to be just a regular human after all, but he did turn a nice shade a of green when they fed that food. "This really sucks Deadman. I really thought that we were on to something here."

"I know, but there's always next time buddy." He said as he opened the door to their room. "Now let's get Shawn and tell him to bring us..." He trailed off as he looked at the destruction of the room.

Dave slid in past Taker and looked around. "What the hell happened in here?!"

"I don't know, but this reeks of a big nosed game and a balding heartbreaker." He looked around and found a piece of paper tacked on to the wall. He grabbed it off the wall and could instantly recognize Shawn's messy handwriting:

**To Taker and Dave,**

**Just to let you know, for once this wasn't my idea. Hunter was set on getting his sledgehammer back so we ended up doing this. Well anyway if you look around you'll notice that your locker room has been trashed. If you look closer then you realize some very important items are missing. On a side note, that box idea was a great idea Dave. I have to use it sometime. Now Hunter told me to tell you that until you give sledgy back we will hold your stuff hostage. When you want to arrange a trade you know where to find us.**

**From Shawn and Hunter.**

**A.K.A HBK, the showstopper, the icon, the headliner, Mr. Wrestlemania and the main event, and the King of kings, the cerebral assassin, and the game.**

Taker stared down at the note then stared at Dave. "Hunter really needs to stop letting Shawn write letters." he turned to face Dave who seemed to be on the border of pissed and hysterical. "What the hell did he take from you?"

"He took...he took...Mr. Champs!" Dave stuttered out.

"Mr. Champs?"

Dave nodded. "I've had him since I was a kid. I designed him to look just like me, world title belt included. They're gonna pay for this when I get my hands on them!"

"Take it easy. You don't see me acting like this because they stole something from me."

"Well I don't see your hat anywhere deadman."

Taker froze and immediately started searching the room. By the time he was done there was a pile of junk in the same spot where Dave used to be. "I can't believe those dumbasses stole my hat! I can't have a match without my lucky hat!

Dave walked out of the pile and shook himself off. "You have to calm down! I want Mr. Champs back as much as you want your hat back, but I don't think they're finished yet. Those two degenerates always have another trick up their sleeve."

"At the moment I really don't care. They are gonna pay dearly for this one!" Taker stalked out of the room and charged down the hall, but froze halfway when he realized

there wasn't anyone behind him. "Will you come on?!"

"I'll wait here. Someone will have to save you when you walk into their trap."

Taker walked back into their locker room, "Well what do you suppose we do Dave?"

He thought it over for a minute and an idea clicked when he heard the the voices of John and Randy coming down the hall.

"So he just kicked him and ran off?" John asked.

"Yeah. He said something about killing a bug on him, but who really knows with Shawn. He could still be pissed about the whole hair thing." Randy added.

"Figures. If he hadn't destroyed part of Wal-Mart this wouldn't have happened."

Dave took this moment to step out of the room. "I'm glad you think that John because I need a favor from all of you that concerns our favorite degenerates."

The two superstars looked at each other and shook their heads. "I don't think so."

"It's nothing dangerous like what we had to do. All we need is for the two of you to pretend to be us for a a little while so we can get our things back."

"What are you talking about?" John said.

"Shawn and Hunter some some very important items from the two of us and we need your help to get them back." Taker said calmly.

"You gonna tell us what was stolen?" Randy asked curiously.

"Of course...when hell freezes over that is."

"Well if you want act like that then maybe we just won't help you then."

This time it wasn't Taker who snapped, but Dave. He charged at Randy and grabbed him the the collar and held him against the wall. "Listen up Orton! If you two help us out, I'll make sure you understand the real meaning of unleash the animal! Got that?"

Dave dropped Randy back to the ground. "All right! I'll help you. No questions asked ok?"

"Perfect. What about you Cena?"

John raised his hands defensively. "Same here Dave. I'll help you two. It's really no problem."

Taker and Dave both grinned. "Great. Now this is what you're gonna do. You two are gonna go to meet Hunter and Shawn to get our stuff back and when you have everything, that's where we come in and get our sweet revenge." Taker explained.

"Why does this sound like it's gonna be painful?" Randy muttered to John.

"Because when it involves these guys it usually always is."

"Shut up!" Taker shouted. "We only have about an hour left until the meet and that means we have a lot of work to do if we're gonna pass you two off as us."

"Are you sure this is gonna work?" Randy asked as he adjusted his black wig. He was currently dressed in Taker's ring gear, but because of the height difference he had to wear lifts in his boots.

_'I hope they're in a badly lit room when this goes down.'_ Taker thought. "You look fine quit worrying so much. Dave should be the one having the problem here."

"Shut up Taker!" Dave said as he finished with the spray on tan. He stood back and smiled at his work. "I think I did pretty good don't you?"

John looked in the mirror and wanted to scream at what he saw. His normally pale complexion had disappeared thanks to Dave and his heavy duty use of instant tan spray. He had one of those fake beards which was shaved until there was a thin strip of hair under his chin, which had then been glued on. "What the hell did you do to me?!"

"Don't worry about it. Everything I did can be fixed so just take it easy."

"Look you two, we have bigger things to work about then how you look at the moment. Do you two remember the plan?" Taker asked.

The two imposters nodded. "Good." Dave handed Randy the bag that had sledgy in it. "When everything has been exchanged give us the signal and we'll be right in."

"We got it already. Now let's get this over with. I think this wig is gonna give me head lice." Randy said.

Dave nodded. "All right. I called Hunter a little while ago. They're gonna meet you upstairs in Vince's office. Somehow they managed distract him and threw him out of his office for the rest of the day."

Taker continued, "In simple terms, don't be nervous. Just make the trade and get out of there. We'll handle the rest."

"Alright." John turned to Randy and nodded. "Let's do this."

Taker and Dave watched nervously as their two look-a-likes began the walk up to Vince's office. They knew it was a stretch if anybody believed John and Randy were them, but then again, they were dealing with Shawn and Hunter so logic really doesn't play to much of a role here.

* * *

"Well there it is." John said as the stood in front Vince's door. "I hope this works."

"You're not the only one." Randy looked back and saw the real Dave and Taker hiding behind at the end of the hallway. He hesitantly took a few steps forward and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Shawn asked and few seconds later Randy heard a thump and an "ow!" coming from inside the office.

Randy nodded at John and he handed him a tape recorder that had Taker's voice on it. Before Shawn could ask questions he hit play. "Open the damn door you dumbasses! I want my stuff back!"

The lock clicked and the door opened. "Come on in guys and let's get started." They heard Hunter say. The two stepped into the darkened room and the door instantly closed behind them. "You'll have to excuse Shawn. After I told him not to about a hundred times, he still decided to order some pizza and have it delivered here." They heard the creak of a chair and knew Hunter had sat down. "Now you have something I want and I have something you want. Who wants to trade off first?"

Randy hit play on the recorder again. "Show us the stuff first."

Hunter nodded and Shawn produced a bag. He went to hand it to John, but froze. "Where's sledgy?"

John picked up the bag Taker had given him and held it out at the same time. "We switch on three?"

Shawn rose his eyebrows and pulled the bag back, "You voice doesn't sound right." He turned to Randy. "And why do I keep hearing static whenever you talk?"

Randy knew that Taker hadn't recorded any kind of answer for that, so he had to resort to his Undertaker impression which he had worked on perfecting the last couple of years, "You're just hearing things Shawn. I've told you to get that checked out already."

Before Shawn could answer him, Hunter interrupted. "Can we please get this over with! I want my sledgehammer back!"

Shawn glared at him. "Fine!" He walked up to John and held the bag out in front of him. "Since Mr. King of Kings is in a hurry over there, we should get this over with."

They walked up to each other and began to count.

"One."

"Two."

"Three!"

They switched off the bags and John and Randy instantly hit the door, knocking three times to give Dave the signal. When John went to turn around, he accidentally hit the light switch and the whole room was instantly illuminated. "Damn it!"

Shawn looked up at them and glared at Hunter. "I told you there was something not right about them, but no you didn't want to listen to me!"

Hunter opened that bag that supposedly had sledgy in it and found nothing but a bunch of wooden logs. "Shawn would you stop yelling at me and catch them!"

Shawn shrugged and tried to tackle Randy, but by this time they had gotten the door open and he ran face first into the real Taker. "Hey there heartbreaker did you have fun going through our stuff?"

Shawn stumbled back nervously and hid behind Hunter. "It wasn't my idea this time!"

Hunter glared back at his friend. "Some friend you are. How could you just sell me out like this?"

"When you have a pissed off animal and deadman stalking toward you, it's every man for himself."

Hunter gave him one last glare before turning back to Taker. "Look we gave you your stuff back. Now all we want is the hammer."

Then Dave walked in holding sledgy in his hands. "You mean you want this hammer?" Hunter nodded vigorously. "Well I don't think can do that just yet. You two deserve some kind of punishment for the stunt you pulled, don't you think deadman?"

Taker smirked evilly, "I do think that a punishment is in order." He turned to John and Randy. "Tie them up."

They nodded and went over to the captives. Randy took a step toward Hunter and he picked up a log. "One more step and we're gonna play whack a legend killer." Of course Randy didn't listen and was hit in the head.

Taker sighed. "I told you we shouldn't have given him logs."

"Well we had to do something. I wanted Mr. Champs back!" He paused once he realized what he said. "I just said that out loud didn't I?"

"Yeah you really did." Shawn said.

Dave glared at him, "Anyone in this room mentions anything about what I said, I'll have Taker send you to the gates of hell, understood?"

There was four nods and Dave smiled. "Great. Now John, you and Randy can go we'll handle them from here."

John and Randy quickly left before the animal's wrath could be brought on them. "Now what do you think we should do to them?" Dave asked.

"I have the perfect idea. We'll start on Shawn first. Go get his hat collection out of the hall." Dave nodded and walked out of the room. When he returned he was dragging a long table filled with every single hat Shawn had ever worn since he got to the WWE.

Shawn looked on in terror. "No...not the hats. Anything but the hats!"

Dave patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry Shawn. One day you'll find something else to cover up that spreading bald spot." He turned back to Taker. "Time to light up deadman!"

Taker took the lighter he had save for this very moment and lit one of the cowboy hats on fire. Shawn couldn't look away. He was frozen in shock and they had taped his head to the chair so he couldn't turn his away. "Why?! What will I use to cover my head now!"

"This had to be done Shawn." Taker said. He grabbed an extinguisher and put out the fire, but all that was left was a bunch of ashes. "Hopefully this should teach you something, but if it doesn't then this next thing should." Dave wheeled in TV and placed it in front of Shawn.

"This TV has been designed to play non stop Village People music videos and in between there are clips of you and that dance you used to do in the ring." Dave explained as he put a set of headphones on Shawn. "You also have to listen to their music too. Enjoy!" As soon as he hit play Shawn's screams started.

Hunter watched in disbelief, "How could you do this to him?! Nobody deserves that kind of punishment!"

Dave smirked. "If you think what we're doing to him is bad, just wait and see what we're gonna do to you."

Hunter gulped as Taker brought in a table that had various buckets sitting on it. "I'm afraid to ask, but what's in those buckets?"

"Don't worry about it. You'll find out soon enough." Dave placed sledgy on the table next to the buckets and looked over at Taker, "What should we use first?"

"Let's start simple. Use the mud first."

Dave nodded. "Works for me." He looked over at Hunter. "Everyone knows how obsessive you are about that hammer. It has its own case and Shawn once told me you rented a room for it once, so we've decided to make a few improvements to it."

Taker took the first bucket which was filled to the brim with mud and dumped it over sledgy and began rolling the hammer around in it. Hunter's eyes widened until they looked like they were gonna burst out of his skull. "HOW COULD TARNISH SLEDGY LIKE THAT! IT'LL TAKE FOREVER FOR ME TO FIX HIM!"

"By the time we're done, that won't be the only thing you'll have to fix. Dave! Put on your gas mask." Taker slipped a mask on his face and started searching for another bucket.

Dave grabbed one as well and put one on Shawn, "I can't have you passing out just yet. Your movie isn't over yet." By now Shawn had been reduced to a zombie. His eyes were frozen wide open and every five minutes he kept screaming, "TURN IT OFF!"

When the deadman finally found the one he was looking for, he opened it and a horrid stench filled the room. Hunter recognized the smell instantly. "Why...? You two must be really off your rockers if bottled up CM Punk's sweat socks."

"Why do you think we have gas masks? We not off our rockers. We just want revenge." Taker picked up the bucket and held it over the hammer. "And we're about to get it." At that moment he spread the pile of socks over the hammer and Hunter nearly passed out.

"OH MY GOD! I"LL NEVER GET THE SMELL OUT OF THE WOOD! STOP! PLEASE STOP!" he shouted hysterically.

"Sorry Hunter, but we have one more thing left before we can stop." Dave said.

"What...do you mean?" The sound of the sander instantly caught Hunter's attention. "Please don't tell me you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do with that."

Hunter decided that seeing Taker with an innocent look on his face was the scariest thing he had ever seen in his life. "Of course not Hunter. I'm just gonna give sledgy a little cleaning." The sander made a loud grinding when it connected with the wooden handle.

"NOOOO! How could you do this to me?! Please stop!"

Taker stopped the sander just before he cut through the handle. "Now you're not gonna kidnap are things again are you?"

"NO! I promise. Just stop making sledgy suffer!" he cried.

"That's all I needed to hear." Taker put the sander down and untied Hunter while Dave untied Shawn. "I hope you learned something from this."

"I'M NEVER GOING TO THE Y.M.C.A AGAIN!" Shawn screamed.

"Great! It's gonna take months to get him back to normal, if I ever do." Hunter said. "You two will pay for making sledgy suffer like this!"

"Sure you guys. We'll leave you two here to get yourselves together." Dave said as he and Taker walked out of the door.

Taker grabbed his hat out of the bag and handed Mr. Champs back to Dave. "I still can't believe you have that thing."

Dave stopped talking to the bear and hugged him tightly. "Oh shut up! You know if you tell anyone about this I'll have to kill you too."

"Whatever Dave, so when do you think Hunter will realize that wasn't sledgy we just destroyed?"

"Probably..." Before Dave could finish a shout of "YOU ASSHOLES!" echoed through the hallway. "Now."

Taker grinned and tugged on his hat. "I hope this month goes by very, very slow. I can already see that this is definitely gonna be fun."


	4. Jeff's Skunk and Hunter's Plan

Jeff looked cautiously through the doors of the arena before he quickly made his way inside. He had to hurry. He couldn't let anyone see him until he had gotten rid of his bag. He quickly made his way to his locker room and closed the door. He let out a sigh of relief and unzipped his bag.

"Now that was easy. We would have been in so much trouble if someone had caught us."

"Caught you doing what?" Punk asked.

Jeff jumped and turned to face Punk who was casually sitting on a bench. "How the hell did you get in here?!"

"Umm I've been in here. You were so absorbed in whatever it is that you have that you didn't even notice me."

"Well can you please go back to not noticing me?" Jeff pleaded. "Just go on like I'm not even here."

"As if Hardy. Now what do you have in there?"

"It's nothing! Just leave my bag alone. It didn't do anything to you!"

When Punk walked closer to Jeff to see what was inside his bag, a small black blur jumped out and ran across the room. The blur ended up curled on top of a pile of Punk's clothes that he had left on the bench.

"That's a skunk!" Punk exclaimed.

Jeff nodded, "I know. Isn't he cute?"

"Jeff, that's still a skunk." he repeated.

"I already told you I know that. Can you ask a different question?"

"Ok." Punk studied the scene in front of him and suddenly realized where exactly the skunk was laying, "Why the hell is that thing sleeping on my clothes!" Punk grabbed one of Jeff's shirts out of his back and started chasing the the skunk around the room and which led it back into to Jeff's arms.

"Don't scare him! You don't want to get skunked, do you?" Jeff asked accusingly.

Punk froze and dropped the shirt. "I hadn't thought of that."

"I can tell." Jeff began petting the shaking skunk who nuzzled against him. "Good Matty. That's a good boy. Mean old Punk isn't gonna hurt you anymore, is he?" He glared at Punk as he said this, making sure that Punk's answer would be the right one.

He sighed. "No. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"See. You're nice and safe now." Jeff smiled and grabbed some skittles out of his pocket and fed them to Matty and sat him on the ground.

_'I wonder if he feeds his all his pets skittles?'_ Punk shook his head and chuckled at the thought. "Now Jeff where did you find him?"

"Outside my hotel. I had grabbed some dinner and was going back to the hotel. I heard something in the bushes and found Matty. He looked like he was hurt, so I snuck him back to my room and fixed him up. I realized I couldn't leave him in the hotel while I was here, so I brought him along." He explained.

"And you named him after your brother because?"

"I already have a pet named after me, so the next pet I got I said I would name after him."

"Well that makes sense. I think."

"Of course it makes sense. When do I not make sense?"

"Don't make me answer that Jeff." Punk knelt down and stared and the skunk. "What are you gonna do with him during your promos and your match?"

"Well for my promos I'll only be gone a few minutes, but for my match I was hoping you could watch him."

Punk snorted, "Well I would love to, but I can't because my match tonight is against you!"

Jeff looked at him sheepishly, "Sorry. I kinda forgot about that."

"Why don't you get your brother to watch him?"

Jeff shook his head strongly, "No way! After the time we went to Brazil and I smuggled home a baby Orangutan, Matt said he'd make a wanted poster of me and stick in all the grocery stores so no one would sell me skittles anymore."

"Well what are you gonna do then?"

Jeff grinned and pulled a hand full of skittles out of his pocket, "Since I found him last night I've been working on training him. Check this out!" He set Matty in the middle of the floor as Punk looked on.

"Matty roll over!" The skunk instantly followed his Jeff's order and roll over on the floor. Jeff tossed him a skittle.

"You mean you taught him how to do that in one night?" Punk asked.

"That's not all I taught him. Matty Dance!" Punk watched in amazement as Matty got on his hind legs and began doing the electric slide. Jeff then tossed him some more skittles. "He should be trained enough to be fine on his own. Do you want to see more of his tricks?"

"No that's alright." He glanced down at his watch. "We really need to be getting ready for our match. We have to get out there early, so no one will come looking for us."

"You're right." Jeff knelt down so he was face to face with his pet, "Now Matty I have to leave for a while. If anyone comes in here I want you to go hide in my bag again, ok?" Matty nodded as Jeff handed him a small bag of skittles which the skunk happily grabbed and ran away with.

"Now go get ready Jeff. We only have a few minutes before the stage managers start looking for us." Jeff nodded and grabbed what ring gear didn't smell like his skunk. After he got ready the two quickly stepped out right as the stage manager walked up to them.

"Well this is a first. Usually we have to drag you two out at the last minute for your matches."

"Well there's a first for everything. Come on Jeff!" Punk grabbed him and they rushed off to the gorilla position, leaving the manager in a confused shock.

During the match Matt came in to grab his boots from his brother whom he left them with the night before. "I told him to bring me my boots before he left for his match, but of course he forgets."

He quickly went over to Jeff's bag and began rummaging through it, not realizing there was something else in it. Matty had burrowed to the bottom of Jeff's bag to avoid being found. After a few minutes of digging, Matt triumphantly held up his boots and began walking out the door. "Damn! It smells like a skunk in here." When he walked out he left door open to air out the room. "That smell could suffocate someone."

As soon as he heard the footsteps fade away Matty poked his head out Jeff's bag and looked around. The room was empty, the door was open and he was out of skittles. Matty wiggled his way out of his bag and ran out of the door. Being crammed in that bag all the time was just irritating and he had to find something to do.

No sooner that Matty escaped, Jeff and Punk finished their match. "Hey Jeff. Did you leave the door open?"

"No. I made sure to close it so Matty couldn't escape. Why?"

"The door's open." Punk stepped inside and looked around. Other than the empty bag of skittles and Jeff's duffel bag have all his stuff tossed out of it, the locker room was just like they left it.

"Matty? Matty where are you?" Jeff called. He even resorted to jingling the spare pack of skittles he had with him to make his skunk come back, but nothing worked. "Punk this really isn't good."

"Who you telling? We have a wild skunk running around the arena. Of course this isn't good!"

Jeff pouted and picked up the empty skittles bag, "My poor Matty's out of skittles and he's all alone. Who knows what he could be doing right now?" How are we gonna find him?"

Punk sighed and looked at the locker room across from them that had the words the phenom and the animal on the door. "I do have one idea..."

* * *

"Ok so you want 200 for one of us!" Hunter shouted into his phone. "Don't you have some kind of two for one deal we can use?"

Shawn just shook his head and grabbed the two dinner plates for Dave and Taker. From the growling coming from behind him, it was obvious that Hunter's business deal wasn't going too well.

"All right. I'll have the 250 to you by tomorrow. How long is each session again?" Hunter sighed. "Two hours is fine. Thank you." He angrily slammed his phone shut and sat down. "Now you know why I hate shrinks. All they want to do is jerk you around so they can get paid."

Shawn grinned. "You actually found a therapist that would take us and that didn't laugh when you told them what happened?"

"Yeah. She was trying to charge us double because she's the only one who specializes in "strange and stupid events which in some way end up traumatizing people." Hunter said and air quoted.

"Well when do we start? I'm getting sick of twitching every time someone decides to be funny and show me a picture of the YMCA."

"She said she could fit us in tomorrow." Hunter scowled when he remember what caused them to have to see a therapist. "If there was only some way we could get back at them."

"Yeah." Shawn snorted. "Like a way to get our revenge would just walk up to us." He opened the door and was met with Jeff's teary eyed and worried face.

"I need your help guys!"

"What happened Jeff?" Hunter asked.

"It's so horrible I can't even say it!" Jeff cried and buried his face into Punk's shoulder and sobbed.

Punk sighed, "He hid his pet skunk in the locker room and after we came back from our match he disappeared. He needs help finding him."

"When the hell did you get a skunk?" Hunter asked curiously.

"He found him outside his hotel last night. We don't even know how he got out of the locker room." Punk explained.

"And that's where you come in boys." Dave grinned. "Taker and I were just volunteering you to help Jeff. We'll stay here and help him calm down so we can find out where he might have gone."

"Meanwhile, you two will be searching the arena for..." Taker turned to Jeff. "What's his name?"

Jeff sniffled. "Matty Version 2."

"Ok...well anyway you'll be looking for Version 2. Good luck you two and don't get skunked."

"Oh come on Taker! Don't we get some kind of protective clothing or something." Shawn said.

"Sorry. We can't help you there. Just be careful and calm and don't scare the skunk. That's when the real problems would start."

Jeff jumped in as Taker finished, "Please be careful with him. He's very sensitive and doesn't like dark places. If he ends up in one, he usually skunks the first person he sees!"

Hunter waved him off as he and Shawn walked out, "Whatever. I'll catch him for you." As they closed the door behind them and began walking down the hall Hunter stopped suddenly and pulled Shawn into one of the empty rooms.

"Hunter what the hell are you doing!"

"I have an idea. We're gonna catch Jeff's skunk, but we're not gonna give it back to him. Not until we've had little fun first."

"You sure this is a good idea? All of your other plans have seemed to backfire on us in some way." Shawn reminded him.

"Don't worry about it. This plan is fool proof. I've actually thought about it longer than fifteen minutes this time."

"How long did this one take?"

"Sixteen minutes. I gave it that extra minute to make sure everything would go smoothly."

Shawn grinned. "I like it! Sixteen is your lucky number and it's how many years we've been friends!"

"I know! This plan has no chance of backfiring on us!"

The two slipped out of the storage room and began looking around. "Now if I was a skunk, where would I be?"

Shawn shook his head. "You're already messing up Hunter. The question should be if you were Jeff's skunk where would you be?"

The two thought it over a moment before smiling knowingly at each other. "Skittles machine."

They quickly made their way over to the red custom vending machine. Since Jeff was always complaining that someone ate all the skittles. Management decided to have a skittle machine in every arena that they went to, so that Jeff wouldn't whine anymore.

"I think we missed our target." Hunter said gesturing to the broken glass and trail of skittles. Hunter started to follow the trail, but was stopped by Shawn.

"This is a little too easy. There's no way that trail of skittles could lead us to Matty. Skunks are supposed to be very smart animals, especially when they're on sugar highs. It's common knowledge."

"And where did you learn that from mister skunk hunter?"

"Animal planet. They have everything on that channel."

"You say the stupidest things sometimes. I really worry about you."

"Oh I'm perfectly fine. Now I have better idea. We should stakeout the skittle machine and when Matty comes back we can capture him!" Shawn said proudly.

"You're kidding me right?"

Shawn shook his head. "Think about it. If we wait here that skittle addicted skunk would have to come back, and it will save us from running around like idiots."

"Yeah, but it won't save us from sitting around looking like idiots."

"Quit complaining Hunter." Shawn said as he squeezed in the space between the wall and the machine. "This won't take long."

* * *

A few hours later Shawn kept feeling this irritating poking. He grudgingly opened his eyes and ended up looking right into Matt's face. He yawned. "Why were you poking me? Couldn't you tell I was having a very nice nap!"

Matt shrugged. "Taker told me to come find out what was taking you two so long? What are you supposed to be doing now?"

"Uhh...well you see...what happened was..." He trailed off when he saw a small black bundle of fur standing behind him. He kicked the machine to wake up Hunter who was sitting one the other side. "Hunter wake up! I found Matty!"

Matt raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you talking about? I came and found you."

Shawn just ignored him. "I can't believe he raided the machine and we didn't even wake up!" he shouted as he struggled to get out of his hiding spot.

Matt answered him again. "Seriously. What the hell are you talking about? I don't even have any skittles!"

By now Hunter was back on his feet and ready to charge at the skunk, who could tell there was something wrong, and immediately ran away. "Matty! You furry little bastard! Come back here!"

Matt glared at the game. "What the hell did you just call me Hunter?!"

Hunter turned around slowly. He had just realized Matt had been there this whole time. He tried to stutter out an explanation. "Matt you see...umm...I wasn't exactly talking to...you."

"Last time I checked I was the only Matt in the WWE, so were you talking to Hunter!" Matt demanded.

"Well...umm...oh screw this!" Hunter quickly kicked the elder Hardy in the gut and pedigreed him. He went over to Shawn and pulled him out from the wall. "He went towards Vince's replacement office. Let's go!"

After they destroyed his last office because of Taker and Dave's insane torture methods, the chairman had no choice but to use another room in the building. The chase was on. There was no way that a skunk could outsmart DX. When they reached his office, they noticed the door was cracked and silently slipped inside. The office was pitch black.

"Do you see him Shawn?" Hunter asked as wandered around.

"No...wait! I think I got him!" Shawn dived on the floor in attempt to catch the hyper animal.

A few punches, kicks, and yells later Matty walked smugly out of the office and waited next to the wall. Meanwhile the two degenerates were left on the floor covered in bite marks and scratches. Shawn looked at Hunter quizzically.

"Did we really get our asses beat by a skunk?"

"I'm not exactly sure. I think we did." Hunter replied.

The room was silent for a moment until Shawn spoke up again. "Do you smell that Hunter?"

Hunter sniffed the air and immediately covered his nose. He looked at Shawn and Shawn looked back at him and they nodded and got ready to run.

"SKUNK BOMB!"

They had barely made it out the office and closed the door before they heard the small explosion and saw the weird looking green smoke.

"What the hell is Jeff feeding that thing?! There is no way a skunk should be able to make a bomb out of office supplies!" Hunter shouted.

"Yeah, but I just realized something worse than that."

"What could possibly be worse that that?"

"The fact that Vince lost another office and will probably blame us, even though we didn't do anything this time." Shawn explained.

Hunter just shook his head, "Only you would think that Vince blaming us for destroying something is worse then almost getting blown up by a skunk. I mean really, he expects us to destroy stuff, its what we do best."

Just then they heard something that sounded like laughter. They looked down and saw Matty rolling around on the floor laughing. It seemed like he didn't notice them yet.

"Shawn after we're done with this thing, let's sit around and ponder why Jeff's pets always seem to be a little strange."

"Sounds like a plan." Shawn reached down to grab him, but Hunter slapped his hand away. "Why did you do that?"

"Jeff told us not to scare him remember. You still have some skittles leftover from that trail earlier right?"

Shawn nodded and pulled them out of his pocket and held them out Matty. The skunk looked at him suspiciously before easing over to one the skittles and eating it. Once he was sure that Shawn harmless he took the rest of the skittles from him.

"Great! Besides that skunk bomb, this really wasn't that hard. We should take him back to Jeff now." Shawn said as Matty nuzzled his hand.

"We can't do that yet Shawn. Take him down to catering and get the rest of the plan setup, I'll go talk to Jeff. As the two split up and Hunter raced back to the the locker room he couldn't help but smirk. "Our revenge is finally about to begin."

Jeff paced around the room nervously. "Do you think they found him yet? Do you think he's alright? I wonder if he's had anything to eat yet? I hope he hasn't skunked anyone."

"Jeff shut up!" Punk shouted. "I'm sure he's perfectly fine. Hunter's probably on his way back with him now."

Hunter stepped in the door and looked at Jeff sadly. "I was on my way back, but as you can see I don't have Matty."

Jeff looked close to tears, "You couldn't find him?"

Hunter shook his head, "Shawn is still looking for him, but I came back here to update you."

"Well go find him then! I must have him back before Matt finds him!"

"Don't worry about him. Matt won't be a problem for a few more hours, but trust me, we'll have him found by then."

"You better." Jeff said angrily. "If you don't I'll give you a makeover you'll never forget."

Hunter stared at him nervously for a few minutes and turned to Dave and Taker, "By the way guys, while me and Shawn were in catering the caterers said they had something special for you guys. They want you to come pick it up as soon as possible.

Dave looked at him, "Sure. We'll go right now. We might be able to find Jeff's skunk faster."

As the three walked out Jeff couldn't help be worried, he wouldn't trust those three with one of his completely trained pets. "I really hope he's ok."

* * *

Shawn looked on in awe as he watched Matty dance on one of the tables. "Wow! You're a better dancer than the real Matt! I wonder who would win in a dance competition?" he wondered aloud.

When he heard voices down the hallway he got up from the table and grabbed Matt and placed him in on of the big silver platters and handed him to the caterers. "You guys remember the plan right?"

"You hide in the back and when they come in we hand them the platter and then take cover." The three answered completely unison which kind of scared Shawn.

"Ok...I'm glad we understand that." He glanced back at the doorway and ran into the storage room. "Good luck!"

Taker walked over to the first caterer and asked her for the dish. "What exactly is it?"

"We had some Big Mac's and steaks brought in for you and Batista. You guys are some of our favorite superstars."

"Thanks." Taker took the platter and brought over to the table where Dave was sitting. He looked over at Hunter who had remained in the doorway. "Your not gonna join us Hunter? You or Shawn never resists a free meal."

'_If they only knew what was on that plate._' Hunter smirked evilly. "I'm alright guys you just on on and enjoy."

Dave shrugged. "Suit yourself." Dave opened the platter and was met with a set of black eyes. "Taker, something tells me we should get away from this table very slowly."

As soon as they started to move, Matt turned around, tail raised, and sprayed the animal and the phenom. Both tried to dodge, but the skunk had very good aim. When the spray finally stopped, Matty jumped off the table and trotted off to go find Jeff.

The victims could only stare at each other. "Taker?"

"Yeah Dave?"

"How long do you think it'll take for us to get rid of the smell?"

"I really don't know." Taker looked back at the door where Hunter was last standing. "You know what they say, the best way to get rid of something is to give it to someone else."

Dave nodded, "I can think of two people two people who deserve a skunking right now."

Of course doing their job to create chaos and to see if their plan actually worked, Shawn and Hunter walked back into the dining hall wearing smell repellent clothes and gas masks.

"See you guys," Hunter said smugly. "We told you when going after a skunk you should wear protective clothing."

"Yeah!" Shawn added. 'You guys should really listen to us sometimes. After all, we're not the ones that smell like we just had a pile of garbage dumped on us!" Taker chuckled which instantly freaked out both members of DX. When his laughter became louder they glanced at each other. "Do you think we made him snap Hunter?"

"I don't know." Hunter said nervously. He began backing out of the room as he watched Taker stalk toward him, still chuckling.

"What are you running from Hunter?" Taker said as he began to pick up speed. "I just want to congratulate you for one your plans actually working this time!"

Hunter grabbed Shawn's hand and began pulling him down the hall. "Come on Shawn! We've made the deadman snap and I think he's gonna kill us!"

"Oh you think?!" Shawn shot back.

"Relax guys! I'm not gonna hurt you...yet!"

* * *

Shawn sighed contently as he took another sip of his drink, "You know something Hunter, I told you it was a good idea to have that SWAT team waiting in the hall in case he chased us out."

"Yeah, but I never knew someone could stand up to that many stun gun shocks. How do you think Dave is feeling right now? You think he's even conscious?"

Shawn shrugged, "Who knows, but I bet he absorbed so much electricity we can ask him to hold our phones and he could charge them just by touching them!"

"Shawn, I will not dignify that with an answer." While the two friends chatted Jeff came in with Matty firmly tucked in his arms. "What you doing here Jeff? I thought Matt was still pissed off you and chasing you around because you snuck another animal in here."

"Well he is, but that's not why I'm here." Jeff dug into one of his pockets and handed Hunter a note. He knew instantly it was from either Dave or Taker because of the really bad smell and the green tint on it. Hunter grabbed some gloves and began reading the note.

**Hunter,**

**I know this was your idea because Shawn really doesn't have the attention span or brain capacity for something like this. I'm just letting you two know that as soon as we get out of here we will get our revenge, and just to let you sweat I'm not telling you when we're getting out of here. Just know that it's soon. Enjoy your break while it lasts. (Insert evil laughter here)**

**From Taker**

**A.K.A the Phenom, the deadman, and the demon of death valley.( Pay close attention to those last two Hunter!)**

Hunter dropped note after he read it, mainly because it burst into flames because of how bad the note was skunked. "Shawn..."

"Yeah Hunter?"

"You think they accept wrestlers in the marines?"

"I don't know. Should I go get some applications?"

"I think you should."


End file.
